Worry

I’ve been trying to formulate a coherent post these last few days, but I’m having trouble coming up with phrases that make sense.  I’m having that giant fog that comes on sometimes with RA or the RA drugs or whatever it is that causes it.  The fog that takes coherent words & phrases out of my head and replaces it all with nonsense & hand gestures.  I can’t get certain words out of my head (“donkey” is today’s word) and I can’t tell my kids to do stuff without pointing and yelling because I can’t even make sense to myself, let alone them (“GO!  Do that thing!” Rolling hands around in a circle  “You know what I mean!  Left Thigh!  No!” Pointing  “I meant the bottom right cabinet!  You KNOW!” Thumbs up  “GO!”)

I’ve been on Simponi for four months.  I’m on to my third sinus infection in three months.    I’m having mini-flares that only last a day or two, then go away for a day or two, then come back again, etc.  They aren’t full on flares, but will involve just a few joints that majorly hurt (the kind where you cry when you move) instead of all my joints hurting all at once kind of moderately (the kind where an ice pack or heating pad & an action movie can take your mind off it for a while & you can stumble along through the day with help).

I was having good day yesterday (nothing but aches & no swelling), so I tried out my new gyms yoga class, which I’d been told held people of all levels, but could be modified for me.  I’ve never been in a real class before.  I’ve done it all to a video at home, with modified poses and breaks when I’m tired.  The instructor tried to modify for me, but the fact was that this class goes way past beginner and she couldn’t hold up class for me.  I tried her modifications, but I’m not flexible enough even for those.  Plus, I’m at least four dress sizes bigger than the biggest lady there.  I’m not huge, but they were all teeny tiny and could fold in half with ease.  I do not bend that way.  So that was a big downer.

Sorry I don’t have anything good to say today.  I just had to post, though, or I wouldn’t get on with things.