Sick, again

“Health is a state of complete physical, mental and social well-being, and not merely the absence of disease or infirmity.”

My husband spent time this morning (or was it last night?  I’ve lost track of days & nights) counting the number of times I’ve been “sick” this year.  Counting just diagnosed infections (which are side effects of the mtx), there’ve been 5.  Major flares: 2.  Minor flares: too numerous to count (let’s say two days a week for the last six months).  Effectively: I’ve been sick 4 out of 7 days for the last six months.   So that leaves me three good days each week, right? Not really.  Between PTA & MOPS & church stuff, I’m left with nothing leftover for family.

So this morning I did a difficult thing: I made a decision about what’s important in my life.  (If you knew me in real life, you’d know that it is impossible to get me to make a decision about anything.  I am always dithering about whether or not my plans will make others happy or hurt someone and that makes it impossible for me to decide on anything, even something as small as what’s for dinner.  Ridiculous, I know.) Ideally my priority list should have been something like this: God, Family, Friends, Others, Self.  Right?  Well, my list had gotten way skewed & looked something like this: MOPS, PTA, Family, Friends,Others, God, Self.  Way out of balance and full of stress both mentally & physically.

So this morning I sent out emails to a few people, dropping out of various things.  I’m not going to do that PTA gig anymore, or be head mom for any classes (I’ll still show up  & bring stuff, but not being in charge of anything, whew!  what a weight off my mind).  I’ve handed over part of my MOPS work to someone who really wanted it.  Then, our head gal told everyone yesterday that I am newsletter EDITOR, not WRITER, so they were expected to step up and take ownership of some of that as well, in terms of either articles about what’s going on with their position (membership, kids care, finance, etc) or something close to their hearts  (adoption, foster care, juvenile diabetes, etc).  So I no longer have to worry about writing 15 articles a month for that (which was a legitimate concern.  Our newsletter last year kind of died because no one wrote anything, myself included, for it).

My next step is going to be talking to my doctor about my medicine.  The real doctor, not the PA.  I’m about to call & check to see who my next appointment is with, and if necessary, change it to the doctor.  I think that since I never had infections on the medicine I was on before and I’ve had so many infections since I started this new stuff in December, that it has to be the medication.  But the PA didn’t think that was an issue when I saw him.  But it wasn’t something he discussed with the doctor, and I’d really like to see what the doctor says, especially since it’s been more than a year since I’ve seen the MD rather than the PA.

Last step: choosing a devotional to start.  I’ve been meaning to start one ever since my last Bible study ran out, but I never made time to dig through the books I already had to choose one.  Since I’m doing this resting thing this week, I’m piling up the books in the bed with me and choosing one today.

My fever broke this morning while I was working on this entry  (I started it at 8am and have had constant interruptions, mostly good, but still, interruptions).  I got up and ran a load of laundry & refilled the dishwasher.  Things are looking up.  I just don’t want any more of this illness cycle.


2 thoughts on “Sick, again

  1. Wren says:

    ” Ideally my priority list should have been something like this: God, Family, Friends, Others, Self. Right? Well, my list had gotten way skewed & looked something like this: MOPS, PTA, Family, Friends,Others, God, Self.”


    You’ve made an excellent start toward health, dropping some of your excess jobs and making the decision to see your doctor again. Good for you!

    But I think both your “ideal” list of priorities and the one that real life produced are a bit off-kilter. Put God first, of course, if you’re a believer. But the next one on your list absolutely must be YOU. I know, you’ll argue with the concept, particularly since you try so hard to please others.

    But think of it this way: If you don’t take care of yourself first, how in the world can you take care of all those other people and responsibilities?

    You can’t. When you’re sick, run down, run-over, run-flat, you can’t take care of anything, not even yourself. Your God would not want you to neglect your own physical and emotional needs until you were so flattened you couldn’t be of use to anyone, would He?

    It’s like when you fly and the attendant says, in the event of a problem, put the oxygen mask over your own face before trying to put one on your child’s face. You can’t help your loved ones if you’re suffocating.

    I hope you’ll be feeling better soon. And I hope you’ll take another serious look at your priorities so you can continue what you started and take care of yourself.

    Best wishes,

    • That is just what I mean, Wren. Healthy people can, and, if their religion or belief system moves them to, should try to serve others. I did as much of that as was possible for as long as I could. But my health is not what it once was. I’m not in that “healthy” category anymore, as much as I hate to admit it. I’m not useful to others when I’m in this state. I’m seeing that now, the more rundown I get. My house is a wreck, I’m a wreck. Everyone in the house could use some TLC, I think.

      So I’m taking those steps to untangle myself from some of those activities that have become encumbrances rather than joyful acts of service. I’m starting to look over those offers of kindness from others and seeing how I can take advantage of offers of help without taking advantage of the people doing the offering.

      I’m learning from my mistakes, slowly but surely.

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