Open a book…

…and write about the word or passage you open to for 15 minutes.  Ahh, freewriting, how I love thee. This is supposed to be totally unedited: expect a lot of tangents, please.


My computer is set up under a bookshelf, with two more off to my left close by.  There’s another two here in the room, though not close by, and one in each bedroom.  Finding a book is not going to be the problem: choosing a book will be.  I’ve decided to do the old “grab one without looking” and get one from above my head.  Here it is: “All in My Head: an epic quest to cure an unrelenting, totally unreasonable, and only slightly enlightening headache.”   Oh how funny: It’s totally mishelved.  Health books normally live in my bedroom.  That shelf should have been a combination of writing, parenting, and books of sci-fi anthologies.  The “doesn’t fit on its proper shelf” shelf, in other words.


Now for the passage: it’s page 142 and she’s gone to the doctor with this unrelenting headache and this particular one has prescribed biofeedback.  She’s making cracks about how if she had something like diabetes she could sue for malpractice if she were told to just wish her illness away, but with a headache they (the doctors) thought this was perfectly reasonable.


I like this segment.  I feel this way a lot about the RA, in fact.  A lot of the time the doctor just says “well, you need to be less stressed.  rest more.  don’t try to do too much.”  How does that help me in any way?  Is he going to come watch my kids and clean up my house and keep up with my life for me while I’m resting?  The doctor will say “I don’t know why the hip bursitis won’t go away” and well, neither do I!  It just doesn’t.  I’ve tried PT, I’ve tried injections, I’ve tried lying down more, moving around more, meditating on the pain leaving my hip more.  Does any of it work?  Not particularly.  No.

Here’s the thing: I know I have things wrong with me, I know they are not just “all in my head.” But we are so often treated that way when we have RA.  I can’t help it if my hand flared up last week and it hurt like hell for two days just because I took a dish out of the dishwasher wrong, but then on the third day the swelling went down and it felt normal again.  I wasn’t making it up when I said that it hurt.  But with RA sometimes things do hurt just like that and then go away just as fast.  Sometimes they don’t.  My knee, for instance.  I feel down on it weirdly three years ago and it has never been the same.  I still have that area of complete numbness on one side where I know something went dreadfully wrong.  The whole leg moves differently now.  I get bursitis in the hip on that side now.  But has anyone ever scanned it to see if there’s something going on in there?  Nope.  “It healed nicely” the doctor said of the wound on top of the skin and left it at that.


Wow, fifteen minutes went by fast!  I had more to say, but the timer has gone off and my shoulder is telling me that typing time is over, too, so I suppose I must go.  Be good! 🙂 See you tomorrow!


This post was written as part of NHBPM – 30 health posts in 30 days: