The things I mean to post

“My mom used to say it doesn’t matter how many kids you have… because one kid’ll take up 100% of your time so more kids can’t possibly take up more than 100% of your time. “

~Karen Brown

I’ve been sitting around and thinking quite a bit the last few days.  Worrying, some, yes.  Thinking on all the things I mean to do and don’t ever get to, more than that.  One of those things was posting more here about Chronically Ill Motherhood.  I really do mean to post about that, but it’s so hard to put into words and not sound whiny or upset about things when I am not, in fact feeling like whining or upset about things.

My small one and his small screen

Today, for instance.  We went to the grocery this morning.  A quick in-and-out trip, only seven items we needed to buy.  We got most of them, no problem, but couldn’t find the last one without help.  Once we’d achieved help and arrived at the checkout I realized that I had overtaxed myself somehow even though it was just the start of the day.  I hadn’t had quite enough breakfast possibly, I was feeling woozy and head-poundy, and maybe, just maybe another weird episode was coming on.  I just couldn’t tell. So we quickly checked out, I had my little one grab one of the bags, I rushed us to the car, drove us home to the beat of the pounding in my head, and just managed to get the cold stuff in the fridge before needing to lie down.  The small boy?  Well, instead of the fun morning we had planned – a bike ride through the neighborhood right away – we had to watch some TV and drink some juice.  We did eventually get to the bike ride (well, he rode, I walked), but not until after we’d rested, played with Play-Doh, had a snack, and packed a bag full of necessities, like mama’s list of med’s and emergency numbers in case something happened and informed people we were going out and what kind of path we were taking in case we needed rescue (I like to call my neighbor friend) and packed a bottle of water and some NutriGrain bars.  Yeah, fun stuff just for a little jaunt around the block.

And now this afternoon I’m exhausted.  I feel like I’ve been hit by a truck.  We didn’t go far on our little walk, just a few blocks.  We haven’t done a lot of exciting things today, but this afternoon we’re sitting in front of computer screens and maybe, just maybe if he’s lucky we’ll invade his brothers room, dig out some of my old stuff and we’ll build something out of Lego bricks & Tyco blocks before the big kids get home.  🙂